Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
