I skipped work to stalk him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
