I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No subtext here. People are naked.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
