Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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