As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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