Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
