Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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