I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
