Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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