i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
