Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
