Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
