The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
