Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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