I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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