Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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