no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize