We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
