Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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