OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
