Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
