This girl is more easily done than said...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
