Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
