yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
