who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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