U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm too high and old for this...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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