Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
