I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
