I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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