problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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