I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
