That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
home. puking in laundry basket.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
