You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize