Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
