What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
