So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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