Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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