the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
