paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
