Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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