she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
