I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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