apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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