you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
