we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
