Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
