You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize