This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You need a sexual gate keeper
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
