I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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