There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
