A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
