when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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