He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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