All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
