Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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