I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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