my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
People in love make me want to vomit
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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