eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
