this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
