i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
