Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
